It IS the end of the world as we know it

For various reasons 2012 promises to be an interesting year, maybe more tumultuous that 2011 because even though we may not see the end of the financial market we may just witness the end of the world. And this has nothing to do with the doomsday propheteering (profiteering? Prophet-erring?) of the 'rapture-is-upon-us' rantings of Harold Campings.

While this is old news by now, but for the benefit of my not so updated readers, according to the Inca calendar the world will end on December 23, 2012 (and if you are one of the aforementioned readers a) clearly you have been hiding underneath a rock, and, but more importantly, b) remember you read it here first!)

Power over self-esteem

What is it about power that it begs to be abused?

Parents use their power over their children countless times to often impose on-sided rules (because I said so!); siblings use it (whenever they get incriminating information on the other) against each other to get the upper hand and milk the opportunity to the last drop. Civil servants use it against the lowly citizen in my country (not to say anything of the politicians and their ever-growing network of close (closet?) family and friends, who use it to override the system and bask in undue privileges).

Religious leaders are no different, neither are school teachers or even boy scouts – if anyone has power over another and they know it, it is a difficult ask that they not abuse it when in a bind.

In my opinion this matter can be explained by universal low self-esteem and constant niggling doubt within oneself of ones inferiority. But how does this self-esteem issue manifest itself in an unsuspecting soul?

(And it does manifest itself into people's personality and is not something that one is born with or into, because how many young children have you met that admit they can't do something. Give a child an option and they will attempt it... they know no fear or possess no low self-esteem. The 'can-do' spirit epitomises itself in a child's innocence.)

Our self-esteem is categorically lowered (or attempted to) by people who surround us – people who fear their inadequacies may be exposed unless they can beat upon (literally or philosophically) and beat down another's self-esteem. An equation that makes me feel stronger by making you feel weaker. Those who can press down hard enough win the match.

This is not a human trait alone, it is what nature intends. Alpha males in lion prides to wolf packs dominate the group and enjoy the advantages of a submissive following. Only problem is that eventually someone else in the group wants to be the top banana and as a result the alpha male's position is constantly under threat from younger males in the group. The solution is to beat down on any potential threats so they that become less of it. But the only problem with that is that beating down only works as long as the alpha male remains the strongest or the most cunning – and nature sees to it that that does not always remain so.

As in nature, once the younger lion take over the pride by rising over the challenge the old lion posed. The victor then removes all potential threats by either killing them or sending them away.

Humans, of course, don't usually kill or banish threats (but it is known to happen, just not in general polite circles that most of us live in) but they inadvertently press their charges self-esteem down – in the noble efforts to keep their charges safe from the world.

But inside each child is a potential leader, and a quality that could be quashed by low self-esteem. It's just that power over the 'smaller' people has a blinding effect.

It is the rare man (or woman) that can rise above it – most just (reluctantly?) relinquish the power when they are out-gunned or out-witted. A father learns to let go; a mother learns that there is no more to nurture; a teacher learns that there is nothing else to teach; and a leader learns that the game is finally up.

A Talatism truth is that simply staying ahead through domination alone is like a wet-dream – a fantasy that can only end in a rude awakening and a potentially sticky mess.

True to self-worth

I was listening to the radio yesterday and caught a portion of a competition where the listener was given a first name and had to come up with the corresponding last name.

These were obviously famous people who were in the news recently, and while this might seem fairly easy its actually difficult to remember six last names in 30 seconds.

But this isn't about getting the names right as much as it is about confessing up to the fact that one might not know the names or what the person is famous for. The name clue was an innocuous “Lee” the correct answer was Lee Westwood, the UK man who ended the reign of golfing great Tiger Woods to take the number one slot last November. Currently he is number two.

Frankly I didn't know the correct answer.

But then this isn't about my not knowing, its about how the woman on the phone reacted. She did not know 'Lee Westwood,' and when the presenter tried to tell her he was a local rugby star – instead of pretending to know with a “oh, right”, she just shrugged it off and said that she didn't know.

She admitted on a public broadcast that she did not know rather than pretend that she did – something that I am sure a lot of people are guilty off doing to save face.

The punchline is that the presenter than admitted to her that he was kidding and that Lee Westwood was in fact a UK golfer. Imagine what kind of a fool she would have looked had she pretended to know and agreed that Lee Westwood was indeed a local rugby hero! Suddenly all the people listening in would know that she was a fool and she'd have lost face to save face.

I confess that I have fallen to pretend to know what I didn't... I am guilty of saying “Oh, right now I remember” when introduced to someone who I don't remember at all. A lot of us have done it in politeness... but when has it been polite to lie?

The woman on the radio won my respect because she was true to herself and wasn't worried about cheap face saves. One can hope to remember this lesson when put to the test.

Our opinions matter... mostly to ourselves

Speaking about the public toilet habits of total strangers (see previous day's post), a few days ago I came upon this amusing story in one of the daily vernaculars I read that talks a great deal about ego, and how far we fool ourselves in our self-worth.

I tried to look it up again to faithfully reproduce it here, but as these things go I can't find the newspaper I read it in. However, I am confident that I will come across it when I don't need it as I go back hunting in the stack of old papers to share some other dose of something that I read (which invariably I will fail to locate).

Anyway I will try to paraphrase from memory the incident that I read about.

*

The location for the story was an airport and the gentleman in question was in transit, waiting to catch a connecting flight. At some point during the wait he (let's call him, Adam) had to use the washroom.

A few minutes after he entered the stall, shut the door and sat down to his business, he heard a fellow traveller get into the stall next to his.

Soon, he heard a voice from the next stall (was that also a knock?)... "Hi there, how you doing?"

Our man was flabbergasted! He could not imagine what he should do, after all how can one strike up a conversation with a complete stranger while in the stall? Not knowing exactly what he should do though, he decided to just reply and hope that was that.

“I'm good thanks,” Adam replied rather awkwardly (clearly he was not in his comfort zone).

Silence. Sigh of relief... thanks God.

Then... "So, what are you doing?" came the same voice from the next stall.

Now our man thought this a bit too much! What the heck did this guy think Adam was doing in the stall? Deciding not to raise what EXACTLY he was doing at the moment, he politely replied "Well, I'm waiting to catch in flight in an hour..."

“Great, great,” came the reply, “mind if I pop in?”

Now this was outrageous! Mind if he popped in? Of course Adam minded! Who was this pervert? Adam riled up his courage (after all this could some sort of psychopathic goon) and strongly replied “I don't think so!”

The voice in the stall kept quiet at that it seemed.

Good, thought Adam, with relief, then he heard the man say "Look I'll have to call you back. Every time I ask you a question, this jackass in the next stall keeps answering me."

*

Well there you have it, while the toilet habits of strangers CAN at times be unsettling... it is no more fantastical than our own estimation of our self-worth sometimes.

A Talatism truth is that not everything we see, or hear, or feel is necessarily relevant to our lives or solely for our consumption; even when it seems at first directed at us.

The runaway 'ego' must be reigned in to the fact that we are not always the subject of discussion and that everything does not beg for our commenting upon.

I have heard people say that “opinions are like a@!holes... everyone has one.” Expanding on that hard truth, we should remind ourselves that “just because we might have one, doesn't necessarily mean that we need to expose it.” It is a big mistake to always take all things in life (especially oneself) too seriously.

This post itself could be an example. Heh heh.