Doing to pretend rather than pretending to do

I've always seen myself as a writer; perhaps, more a 'wanna-be' than an actual 'true' writer for the sole reason that a writer writes. Period. And I don't really, save for occasional inspired (desperate?) out bursts.

In my mind I have convinced myself that a true writer writes obsessively, or rather, religiously – this idea sprouts from a part romantic notion and part realistic understanding. After all, anyone can write obsessively (okay, not maybe anyone per se) but fewer still can probably deliver with true intent, purpose and substance.

In a way my failure to write regularly I find deeper meaning and a relation, perhaps only tangentially, to the failure of the country that I live in. (This analysis could be easily misconstrued as a rather petty attempt to add 'substance' to what is otherwise drivel – of (desperate) intent (to write) without (any) purpose and/or (real) substance. It is not. You, dear reader, are of course entitled to misconstrue its true intent and purpose.)

To put it in one sentence: No one is doing what they are supposed to.


It is not difficult to take random people in this country from top leadership down to the lowliest man on the street and see that literally no one is doing what they are supposed to. The religious man is out on the streets not preaching restraint or tolerance, but hatred and violence; the student is not engaged with his books but engaged in politics and mischief; the bus driver is not rendering a service to the commuter but busy cutting corners and running people down; parents are not teaching by example but instilling poor values into their wards; politicians are not serving public interest as making the public serve their own. The list goes on.

Having had the opportunity to see countries beyond these borders, I am well aware that things don't have to be the way they are. Power cuts, traffic jams, law and order, etc plague many countries I'm sure as they do in Bangladesh, but I am also certain that these similar problems in other countries have not been created because of inaction, nepotism and shameless corruption over decades.

Even the most ruthless autocrats and dictators have had the basic decency (and probably felt some degree of shame) to give back some to the development of their nation. Our leaders, it seems, have been able to rise above any possible shame, and take with out compulsion to give back to anything beyond their own self-serving cause.

We suffer from many ills in this country because in the last twenty years of democracy none of our leaders have actually had a vision towards development. It would not be unfair to say that the vision of the two leaders of the two main political parties never extended beyond removing an autocrat and placing themselves in the chair to create an autocracy of their own.

That the Dhaka-Chittagong highway was an important artery for development and commerce has continued to evade the knowledge of the powers that be, so much so that in forty years the road has not been really upgraded above and beyond what the ousted autocratic leader had left behind more than twenty years ago.

 A so-called democratic nation of 160 million people have no choice who they wish to elevate on a pedestal with their respect but are expected to kowtow with the wishes of the powers that be (whomsoever they be for that moment). The country has continues to be ill-governed as more and more people discover that playing outside the lines of civility seems to brings them greater rewards.

 Sadly we have been transformed into a nation of pretenders. In that scope of things, the fact that I am not writing as often as I would like to is a minor offence all I am doing is not subjecting any of my potential readers to unnecessary anguish – however, my not writing is more of an anguish to me and so I write to quell my mind so as that I may continue to pretend that I am writer.

In an epiphany I realise that perhaps that is the way to go! I may not be a writer, but by actually writing I can continue to pretend to be one. Maybe the man on the street can continue to pretend to be what he claims to be by actually doing what he professes to do – i.e. a student can study and pretend to continue to be a student; a priest can pretend to be a man of God by preaching the restraint and tolerance; a politician can pretend to love the people by doing some self-less good for the community. And so on and so forth. 

Until then however, we will continue to be a country where people work harder to beat the system than to work with it. A nation of pseudo-elites, with the sole purpose and intent to to be above the rules without ever feeling to need to offer some substance in return.